I write because sometimes reading isn’t enough. For sometimes I read something that is so forceful, so beautiful in its intensity, that it makes my head spin. And I have such a strong reaction to it—irrespective of whether it’s positive or negative—that I feel like I cannot sleep at night unless I’ve put down in physical words my feelings about it.
I write to keep my hands and brain occupied, for I do not know what to do with them. I’m restless by nature and my mind scorns both inactivity and messiness. I write because it helps me categorize my thoughts into different notebooks and to colour-code them by importance. Red before yellow. Green before red. Blue before green.
I write to understand myself better.
I write to stave off the loneliness I feel at times.
I write because nothing else calms me down.
I write to not slip into instability once again; because every word I write anchors me down to reality.
I write because I don’t trust my vocal chords to convey my emotions. I’m not good at talking—never was and probably never will be. I fumble through long sentences, I stammer, I stutter.
I write because I’ve realized that my voice has cracked with disuse. My tongue cannot roll out the words that my brain commands it to tell. I write because I’ve lost the ability to speak.
I write because putting pen on paper and spilling out my feelings offers me a certain form of catharsis I’ve become addicted to.
I write because this is what I’ve been doing for a long time. I write because I have forgotten what it is to not write.
Was at an Art of Living Advance course for more than half of the past week. This is my third advance course and the processes were a bit easier to handle now that I've got the flow of things. The back also didn't act up much after the long meditation sessions and I swear the pain's decreasing with every course I do. A couple more and hopefully it'll be gone for good. The food was excellent and as for accommodation, our hostess (us residential participants were assigned places at volunteers' houses) was absolutely lovely. All in all, a half-week well-spent.
Speaking of Art of Living courses, I finally went ahead and bought a yoga chair to help combat the troubles caused by long hours of little to no movement on hard surfaces without external back supports. It's a lovely shade of blue and very comfortable to recline in. Dad thinks it's a frivolous buy-- I partly agree, for I could have very well used a normal chair like the countless people who who don't own yoga chairs-- but then again, I'm a person who once bought the same skirt in three different colours because I couldn't chose between them, so really, please don't expect me to make rational and economic shopping-based decisions.
But then again, I'll say that I've been pretty rational in this department (looks like the frivolity-detoxing is going well); I didn't set out to buy yoga-based products the moment I started doing yoga. I did my first AOL course in September 2011 and went for months without even a yoga mat. I made very sure of the fact that I was getting into this for good before committing to any product. Before grabbing the chair I thought about it pretty hard: I'll be doing more advance courses in the near future, courses which require sitting in the same position for extended periods of time, a task for which some comfort would be very welcome.
So, hello there, new yoga apparatus. I hope we'll get along splendidly.
Next on my list are a proper pair of track pants and a pair of sneakers, but only after I implement a daily running routine in my schedule.
~ Had severe allergy which made my entire face turn red and itchy. Liberal applications of coconut oil infused with camphor kept the symptoms at bay, but things got unbearable on the aesthetic front so finally broke down and purchased a pack of Cetzine and a bottle of Lacto Calamine yesterday afternoon. My face has been thanking me ever since.
~ Have amassed a total of 1,135 ebooks and have been going through them steadily. Mother might possibly get me a Kindle for my birthday; fingers crossed.
~ Father going through a midlife crisis in all probability. Does not want to go back to work and spouts philosophical and spiritual words with alarming frequency. Is also watching television far too much and too loudly to not jangle the nerves and test the patience of the rest of the family. Intervention desperately needed.
~ Have completed 10 experiments in college. Four more to go for this academic year's quota to be fulfilled.
~ Pepper gave birth to two kittens. One passed away, but the other is growing at a marvelous rate. Have named him Sherlock. He's white with a black patch on his head and a black tail.
~ Actually interacted with humans face-to-face on the 22nd of February, the day of my grandmother's batshorik. Managed not to collapse into a heap of frazzled nerves in the middle of the day. Am going to observe her one-year death anniversary, which is today, by consuming hobisshi (a type of Bengali mourning eating-ritual performed when someone in the family has passed away.)
~ Thoroughly enjoyed the rainy week in February. Did not contract a cold despite lounging around in flimsy clothing in chilly weather.